feathers and letters -ayra-

[JASPER MICHEAL COLEBANK]

Jace was surprised when a letter dropped into the crease of his book. "Huh?" he muttered, and looked up to see an owl flying away. He put the book down on the grass near the lake, and opened the letter. The letter amused him a little, who's Gillyweed? he thought. It was obvious that the letter was not meant for anyone in general, so what was the harm in replying. It was easier to talk to someone anonymous than to have them stood in front of him. Kinda like a diary that two people were corresponding in.

Dear Gillyweed - though I am to assume that is not your real name,
Every person at one point questions their life. I know that I have. It's easy to loose your way without careful planning. The future's a scary thing. You can't change the past, but you can change the future - unless you have a time turner - nothing comes without hard-work and study. Hogwarts seems like it will never end, and I don't want it too, its easier being in a bubble here, than being in the real world. I'm told that I'll follow my father into the ministry and boring desk work, but whats the fun in that? I want to decide for myself.

That is a very... inspiring quotation, and very true, why should we have that one name, our name? why not be nameless till we are old enough to decide ourselves? In a way, the person becomes the name. Waking up each day is something to be very grateful for. Life is a gift, and its not to be wasted, even though some people would tell me I'm a hypocrite, they like to think I waste my life away. Be happy. Be sad. Be what ever you want to be.

Don't worry, you're not alone, I've had plenty of time to myself to wonder over that statement. Life is so many different things, its hard to place it in one term, for example you can be alive in a coma, but your not really living? I wouldn't call that living.

You living vicariously through characters? I am guessing you like to read a lot. I read, just not fiction, so I can't say I've ever lived through the characters in books, because the books I read have no characters, unless you count the writer as the main character.

Surely the person you are and the person you want to be aren't two separate statements, but two statements that begin to blur together as you grow up? That is always what I've chosen to believe, that you grow into the the person you want to be.
Sincerely,
anonymous

by the end of the letter, Jace didn't know what to sign, so stuck with the good ol'fashioned anonymous. He was never good at coming up with nicknames or anything.

[ARYA GILLYWEED SPORE]

Arya had nearly completely forgotten about her letter. It cropped up in her mind from time to time. She wondered where it ended up - could it have been discarded on the side of the road? Did it end up in the hands of someone who thought she was completely crazy? It seemed that her owl had gone hunting shortly after delivering the letter, so Arya had no way of knowing how far she'd actually gone. The letter could've ended up anywhere, and gradually Arya discarded the thought.

She was feeling depressed lately. The incident in flying class and her complete embarrassment in front of the new professor made her feel impotent. She lost her confidence, and spent most of her classes silently and dutifully taking notes.

But midway through lunch one day, she'd noticed a peculiar letter mixed in with her usual post. At first when she opened, she wasn't sure what she was reading, but then it clicked and Arya almost laughed aloud in sheer surprise. Someone actually wrote back. And not only that, but what they wrote was so meaningful. It touched Arya that someone had taken the time to be so sincere and personal.

It felt like something significant was happening. In her melancholy, Arya reached out to the universe. And the universe answered back. And the answer was yes.

It seemed as though anonymous was a guy. And he was clearly her classmate. Arya developed a habit of judging all the guys she came across, wondering if it could be him. She also carried around the letter everywhere she went. But she also put particular care into writing the next letter.

Dear Anonymous - though it would be foolish to assume that is your real name,

I think we're all haunted by the idea that we're wasting out lives. It's hard to know what's really worthwhile. I don't think there's anyway of knowing beforehand. Something may seem like it's going to memorable, but it could be a complete disappointment. And sometimes the littlelest things stick with me - things I might've taken for granted before. Looking back may be the only way to judge. So I guess it's trail and error and I'm going to end up with some regrets and some mistakes, but I think I'd be ok with that so long as I got some wonderful things, too.

It's funny how you mentioned following in your father's footsteps. In my family, I think it's assumed I'll take over the business when the times comes. I may make a face whenever my parents bring it up, but if I'm honest, I don't really mind the idea. I don't have any qualms with their line of work, just the idea that my life is already decided and I didn't do anything to contribute.

I think if my life is to mean anything, I have to live it for myself. Even if I end up working in the family business, I'd feel a whole lot better if I knew that it was my choice that decided it.

So I suppose for now I'll have to figure out what I want, along with how to be that person I want to be.

Sincerely,

Gillyweed

P.S. I can't tell you how much it means to me that you wrote back. And even if we were to never write each other again, please remember that I am forever changed and reassured by what you wrote.

[JASPER MICHEAL COLEBANK]

Jace smiled as the same owl dropped off another letter. He had been anticipating a reply, and it wasn't often he anticipated anything but exams. He was stood by the window near his bed in the ravenclaw dorm. He pulled his quill out, and a fresh sheet of parchment and started his own reply.

Dear Gillyweed,

That I believe we are. Our lives are so short compared to the livespan of... the... earth. Even an rock will stand for longer than an human. It seems so strange to think it, but it is true. How do you judge what risks to take? It seems that in the long run, the thing which is so memorable now, will soon be a small blip which is half recalled. Everyone takes the basics for granted, if they loose the basics, they come to realise just how important it all is. You always going to end up with some regrets. Even today, I bet you've done something you regret, you wish you hadn't done, I guess as long as the positives outweigh the negatives then they shouldn't matter, not in the long run.

I wish I could say that it was a family business my parents wanted me to take over, but its not its a boring desk job that holds absolutely no intrigue for me. I want to be doing something, creating a spell? helping people? I haven't given it that much thought really - only that I don't want the desk job. Its not like I like my family anyway... we don't get along.

I understand that the idea of having someone decide your life for you is... unappealing to say the least. The idea that my choice is taken a way from me, is unbearable. To me, if you have decided something, its like you are deciding to put in the work, so feel more... obliged... to do well. Have you given any thought as to what you want to do after Hogwarts?

I am glad that you feel I have somehow helped you, and am more than happy to write back. It is an strange set up, but an interesting one, and one I'm happy to continue with.

Sincerely,
Anonymous

Jace tied the letter to his own owls leg, and let her fly off to deliver the letter to 'Gillyweed'. He walked away from the window, and flopped onto his bed.

[ARYA GILLYWEED SPORE]

Arya, unaware that Jace's owl had only to fly to the next window over, was elated and almost baffled by how quickly her pen pal responded. It was very endearing how much he seemed to value their correspondence. Arya had just taken a shower, and was careful not to get any drops on the letter from her still damp hair. It was all very comfortable. The feeling of the soft bedsheets against her clean skin, the lingering scent of lavender and rose from her shampoo, and a new letter from her anonymous new friend. A smile stayed plastered onto her face the entire time she was reading (except the part where he mentioned him not getting along with his family - that part made her brows crease with concern.) Arya had to write back immediately.

Dear Anon,

(I've shortened your name - I hope you don't mind.)

Although our communication is limited to three (soon to be four) letters, I feel that I already have constructed an opinion about you. And in my opinion, you are wise and poignant. Your thoughts are stimulating and eloquent. If anyone should be capable of great things, then that person should be you. If you want to create spells or help others or anything equally as admirable, I think you definitely should.

I think I'm more selfish than you because what I want is not great or charitable necessarily ... I just want something of my own. I want something, but I don't know what it is (and that's the worst kind of wanting, isn't it?) As cliche as it sounds, I think I'd like to travel. Even if it isn't very far away. I just want new experiences. Most of my life I've stayed in relatively the same space. I don't know how much of me is me, and how much of me is just routine, habit, and the niche that I occupy. I just have this feeling that the real me is out there, somewhere, and I want to find her. Any major life decisions could then subsequently be made. For now, I don't think I can decide what to do if I don't really know who I am.

And I feel like "that person I want to be" would be someone colored by vivid experiences, so either way, traveling helps my cause.

I'm sorry you don't get along with your family. Who do you rely on instead?

And I'm glad that your glad - as redundant as that sounds. It is a strange set up, but I think the things that end being valuable to us tend to be unusual.

In anticipation to your valued response,

Gillyweed

But Arya didn't want to send it immediately. That seemed a bit much. And she wanted to physically hold onto the letter so that it would absorb some of her warmth and well wishes. She put it under her pillow and went to sleep. In the morning, she sent the letter off before class, and it flew away with the faint scent of flowers.

[JASPER MICHEAL COLEBANK]

Jace received the next letter, just before he went down to breakfast. The faint floral smell, was appealing, and he wondered who his pen pal could be. He hadn't really thought about the gender of his correspondent till now, he assumed because of the scent that it was a female. He didn't know many guys who smelt like flowers, but then he didn't know many people at all, so he might have a limited view. He thought of replying during breakfast, but some students, were a) nosy, and b) he didn't want to get the letter - or his reply - covered in food. So he placed it in one of his books, making sure it would not crease, and carried it with him till his morning break. Where he found a secluded spot in the castle, and replied.

Dear Gillyweed,

Shortening my alias to anon is perfectly fine.

That is a very positive opinion of someone who've yet to meet. I wouldn't associate myself with most of those adjectives, but if that is what you think then maybe I am? I don't know. I think if I carry on putting in the work, then I will succeed, it can be hard to be bothered to put the work in sometimes.

Just because you want to travel doesn't make you selfish, sometimes you have to be selfish to ever get anywhere? No one can ever be truly selfless. Each is privy to humanity, and humanity does not mean being brilliantly kind 24/7. You can want something of your own without being selfish. I'd agree, yes an unknown want is the worst. It's the indecisiveness I think, that makes it so bad. Traveling sounds like a very good idea, some people can stay rooted in one place and never leave, and that doesn't sound appealing. Sure it would be nice to be rooted, to have a home to come back to, but to just stay there?

The real you? I assume this refers to our earlier conversation, well you should go and find her. I'll bet you'd never forgive yourself if you didn't. Don't they say it's the what ifs that stick with you?

If you think that way, then go for it. It's your decision, and no one can tell you what to do - that would be defeating the point of doing something yourself - if traveling is what you want to do, do it. There's no reason you can't come back and reconsider if you decide it isn't for you after all.

I rely on myself mainly. My family think of me as a little bit of a black sheep. Since I said some.. off colour... comments about an relative. Anyway, I try not to go home at Christmas unless I have to. Anyway, that's an entirely different story.

Best Wishes,
Anon (I think I might start shortening my name too)

Jace realised he had some time before his next class, walked himself to the owlery, and found his owl, Demeter, to send the reply with. He wasn't sure how the owl had found 'Gillyweed' nor how his 'pen pal's' owl had found him but they had.

[ARYA GILLYWEED SPORE]

Arya got the letter right before one of her classes, which was unfortunate timing. She spent all of class tapping her foot, waiting for class to end so that she could read it, wondering what this new letter held. It was remarkably ironic that she and Jasper were in the same class along with the rest of the sixth year Ravenclaws. She was sitting two rows behind him. After class, she practically ran back to the common room and read it sitting on her bed. Then she thought about the letter all throughout dinner, and finally wrote back in the common room that evening.

Dear Anon,

Have you ever thought about butterflies? Did you know that they can't actually see their wings? So they never see how beautiful they are, but other's do. Wise, poignant, eloquent ... I see you as all these things, nevermind that I've never met you. (Although I could've ... what a strange thought.)

Thank you for supporting all my ideas. I was so unsure of all these things I wanted to do. Everyone else would've given me advice, tried to change my mind, or questioned my motives so much I would've just kept second guessing myself. But you tell me that the things I'm thinking are okay, which is just all the reassurance I needed. I just wanted to know that someone felt the same way or at least understood.

I can't imagine not going home for Christmas. Christmastime is just such a bustling time. If I wasn't surrounded by lots of crazy family members, I would feel completely off. Let's make a deal - if we figure out each other's identity by Christmas, then I'll invite you to spend Christmas with me (I make the best Christmas cookies.)

And I'm open to hearing an "entirely different story", if you want to share it.

Warm regards,

Gillyweed

Arya was nervous about the letter, because she made such a bold move of challenging him to find her. She wasn't sure how he would respond. Did he want to know? Did she want to know who he was? Arya's heart pounded as she sealed the letter. There was no way of knowing how this would turn out. But at the same time, sending out the first mysterious letter was a big risk, too. And if this had the makings of something good, then it would likely turn out that way.

Right?

It was like the moment one had before jumping into a pool, or asking someone out, or any other true risk. Arya tied the letter to her owl before she could second guess herself. Then she watched her fate fly off into the night.

[JASPER MICHEAL COLEBANK]

If Jace had been one to go to sleep early, he would have missed the owl pecking at the window, at first he had assumed the owl was Demeter, back from her hunt, but when he opened the window to let the owl fly in, he realised it was his penpals owl. He offered the owl a treat, and took the letter. He let the owl fly off, and opened the letter. He still hadn;t found the 'owner' of the flowerly smell from the last letter. He had even been a little more observant of his classmates than usual. Picking up a new piece of parchment, quill and bottle of ink, he began to write his reply.

Dear Gillyweed,

I never did think about a butterfly. They really can't see their wings? Are you suggesting that I am like the butterfly - for I can not see the 'good' traits, you've spoken of? To me you seem wise - wiser than many of the students in this school. You seem a truly beautiful 'lyrical' soul, you choose to reach out to an stranger rather than an old friend, to me that suggests a true trusting nature, or maybe the product of novel reading? Either way it's interesting. To think that I might have met you is indeed a strange thought.

If I were questioning myself, I would want someone to do the same for me, I would want to be told I can make my own mind up so why shouldn't I treat you the same? You found what you were looking for then, I am glad that I have been able to help you in that way. It isn't often I can help people. It's not often I even talk to people, and even if I do it could be barely classed as a conversation.

My Christmases involve awkward silences, and angry glares, oh and my family trying desperately to avoid the 'trouble maker' - me! Its not an nice place to be. Its a lot better to stay away. My siblings are excepted back at home, but I'm not. Spend a Christmas with you? Well if we have worked out who the other is then, Yes. I agree, who knows maybe it will be better than spending a Christmas alone at Hogwarts another year running. Those Christmas cookies sound very appealing, it's been years since I've had cookies. Not, home-baked ones anyway.

An 'entirely different story' is not an nice story, it's hardly bedtime story material. I haven't had the best childhood, and its not something I have told anyone. I don't know why I am even thinking of trusting you with it, but something tells me I can. So if you really want to hear it, it won't be easy for me to write and probably won't be easy for you to read.

Anon

Jace didn't bother with an fancy sign off, he was worried about what he'd written. Was he really going to spill his life-story to an almost stranger. He almost scratched it out, and wrote a new paragraph, but decided against it. Gillyweed had delved into her feelings, so surely he should do the same. But his was so much worse, he wondered what his pen pal would think once he finished his story, would she think he's a coward like he knew himself to be. He waited up for his owl, then sent her off to Gillyweed.